Top Ten Most Quiet Places in Arda ~ the humorous version

10. Dead Marshes. Peace means quiet, right? So how peaceful is it to be at the Dead Marshes, no hubbubs or anything. Don’t follow the lights or you will become one of the corpses, with a lot of shouting and crying for help from the lost people.

9. The Mines of Moria. Getting attacked by Goblins and Orcs, meaning you could hear the loudest screams you’ll ever hear, is just one of the many things that might happen to you here. This place is full of evil and death. So no one would dare to enter, pure peace is at stake! There’s no time to flake around, just go here!

8. The Wastelands. Only the wincing sound of scream coming from you or from your companion, and little whispers from you ears will rule the deafening silence and peace.

7. Imlad Morgul. Those lands, lifeless and frail, where no colour ever appears, full of dread yet peaceful. The only noises ever to be heard are the cries of its masters, the cries of grief and loathe. No birdsong, no sighing of branches extended from beautiful trees, or the quiet singing whispering from those soft petals of the loveliest flowers.

6. Mordor. This place is filled with pure sincerity. The rummaging marches of the Orcs, the squealing arguments of the rubbish Orcs, and the flight of The Eye could be a bit heard, bringing intimate peace. The red lights will show you the meaning of true relaxation, and it is a must to visit there and have a great rest, for life.

5. Isengard. The treeless stone ring and the dark tower of Orthanc are frightening enough to keep almost everyone away, ensuring plenty of peace. For a moment you’ll feel shouting and scowling from under the ground, maybe from the newly dug Uruk-Hai, with the burning of swords and everything, but it’s just below of it.

4. Shelob’s Lair. A very proper place for meditation Of course, you may hear some Orc screams from time to time, but, if you leave those aside, you will be able to experiment the deepest peace. The smell and the darkness will prevent you from thinking about the vain, wordly things, and will help you to find the true Light in Shelob’s deep, wise eyes.

3. Bree. This lovely place will be perfect for peace. Certainly, with those weird people lying around, especially in The Prancing Pony, you won’t seem to disturb them with the looks in your eyes. You could even have drinks and keep quiet while you can hear hubbubs. Just take care of yourself not to cause trouble and peace will surely be spotted in here.

2. Fangorn Forest. Ever heard of the hums and loud talking of the Ents and trees in this forest? Life will be simply peaceful with all those nasty hums you’ll hear every second. They won’t get into sleep, letting you embrace the peace obsessively. You’ll also feel that no one else will disturb you here.

1. The Home of the Sackville-Bagginses. You’ll love the constant tension and hard feelings between Lobelia and her family. There is much complaining, but also much quiet, when the members are very angry at each other. You will be able to contemplate the meaning of “0% silence.”

by Elenawen, silver_Tinuviel, Ilfa, Gileth, ~Stella~, Erulissë and Cirnellë