It is no secret that the Realm of Nessa has certain affections towards llamas. We are not sure why, we are not sure how, we just know that we are semi-obsessed with those cute furry animals. As a fun, and perhaps scary, idea for a Council Courier article, I posed a question to fellow Realm members: “What if Middle-earth were ruled by llamas”? By reading the following, you will see just how delusional we are about the greatness of our favorite four-legged mammal, and you will get an interesting look into the operations of some of our members’ minds.
“If llamas ran Middle-earth, there would be no “Dark Lord”. Everyone would be having too much fun frolicking to be concerned with greed and ambition. The Dwarves and Elves would be best of friends, and everyone would know about Hobbits, as they’re quite the little frolickers! Mordor would have some of the loveliest green fields, and have perfect frolicking weather everyday of the year! And if anyone decided they wanted to climb over Caradhras, they’d have some of the finest knit Alpaca sweaters to keep them warm and toasty!!!” (Vanyar)
“If llamas ruled Middle-earth, poor Sam would never have had to carry Frodo up Mount Doom. A sure-footed llama would have been leading the way! The Dunedain rangers would have an easy time tracking friendly llamas footprints, and Middle-earth would be a much safer place. Relations with Harad would be agreeable to everyone, because llamas and desert camels are distant relations. And so, the Haradrim would never have agreed to support Sauron on his war campaign.
On the other hand, our lovely llamas would be far too busy frolicking to notice Sauron’s deceit and evil power. In short, disaster would occur, and a lot of llamas might end up getting hurt. That is why the best place for llamas is in the realm of Nessa, where each and every realmer loves their llamas unendingly. Our frolicking and fun are forever!” (Anonymous realmer with a big smile)
“If Middle-earth were ruled by llamas, the Riddermark would be replaced by Llama-Land, and instead of Rohirrim there would be Llamirrim. There would be no “barren wastelands, riddled with fire and ash,” because llamas MUST have nice soft grass in order to be able to frolic properly. Every town in Middle-earth would have an LFF office where concerned citizens could report any feeble attempts at llama oppression, and any who offended in this area would be dealt with promptly and severely by the hands of justice.” (Rodwen)
“If llamas were to rule Middle-earth…The villains we have come to know and even love would turn a few new leaves. I guess you could say for the better. Sauron also known as The Eye of Sauron would run an eye center for all those Elves, Hobbits and Dwarves in need of glasses or contacts. The Mouth of Sauron would become the first much needed dentist in Middle-earth, although not many would trust him with their teeth. The Ringwraiths would have jewel shops set up in all nine corners of Middle-earth and rumor would have it that Gollum works for them as a door to door salesman. In addition to this, Mordor would be turned into an area where llamas could frolic freely all day long without any trouble…And most importantly, a few pop tarts would be thrown in and randomness would rule supreme!” (Morlothwen)
So there you have it. If Middle-earth were ran by llamas, the world would be a much better and more frolic oriented place. The only way Middle-earth could possibly get better was if it had everlasting pop-tarts, and maybe a lifetime supply of milk. Man, that would be the life…
by vanyar
