This is the enthralling autobiography of Evil Incarnate himself during his long time in the Void – aka “How I made Evil”.
[Editor’s note: At times, the language has been deemed inappropriate for publication and has been omitted from this text; most of these changes are shown by the use of “…” Furthermore, most of the latter part of the biography has also been omitted due to the length it would otherwise have.]
Due to the increased fan mail I have received lately all begging me to fulfil their desire and give the true account of what happened in the First Age of the Sun and before, I have decided to lower my mighty self and oblige them though I have a motive other than silencing the crowd. It has come to my knowledge that the events have now been terribly twisted and messed up, and though I guess nothing more is to be expected from a bunch of silly goodie-goodie Elves, it annoys me to see my work completely ruined and forgotten. Now they all hail Sauron the smirking fool instead of me, the maker of Evil – the Real Dark Lord… I know that you are eager to hear what really happened so, let me begin my tale.
It all began when old-fool Ilúvatar made us and I was of course made the mightiest of all. He encouraged us to use our special gifts, really giving us what he called “free will”. Bah! How is it supposed to be free will when he claims to know all that we do? … I was the only one among the Ainur to care for the Void, they were afraid of it the others finding the nothingness terrifying. Even Ilúvatar didn’t care for it so I thought I might as well bestow my benevolence on it. In the Void I met with many beings unthought of and they really opened my eyes to many things, among others what an incompetent fool Ilúvatar was and that I was destined to take the place as world dominator.
I was beginning to convert some of the more clever Ainur to my cause, but I think Eru noticed it because suddenly he became over-eager to make different activities where we would all be present. It was on one of these occasions he came up with the idea of making some music and all the silly fools agreed; blinded by their stupidity, they didn’t see how poor a musical talent he really has. So I decided to spice it up and help the guy out of his embarrassment and then the guy gets angry. Three times I try to show him how it should be done, but he won’t admit how lousy it is, and afterwards, when he shows us what the music has done, he convinces the other Ainur that he actually intended for all my adjustments to happen. It made me quite vexed to be false.
I knew the world we had made actually belonged to me, seeing as I had been the only one making good music, so I decided to go down and make it mine. Everything would be better than with him, though as the old fool is so suspicious, he just wouldn’t let me go there myself. No, no, he had to have some of his most annoying, foolish friends following me. Perhaps I should be happy though, they were all as useless and incompetent as him.
When we came down I tried convincing them this place really belonged to me, but they just wouldn’t admit it, miserable fools… In the end I grew tired of dealing with them and decided to establish myself a bit more before making my real claim, after all they were 13 against one; that is tough odds even if you’re the mightiest creature that ever was. As I tried to make them realise it using the tiniest bit of threat a fourteenth showed up.
For the record, I just want it to be clear that all those nasty lies about me being afraid of Tulkas the Worm are ridiculous and one of the most outrageous things that has ever been said of me. It’s just that, well, I’m really a pacifist and I really don’t want to cause harm needlessly, and there wasn’t need at that time. But that they later have turned it into something about me being frightened of that brat is scandalous, it’s only Tulkas for Evil’s sake…
While the silly fools were completely ruining my vision of Arda, I built myself a fortress in the North from where I started to form the place to my will. Maybe you don’t think I succeeded, but then, I’d like to point out to you that I really did an adorable job invoking in Arda many wondrous and great things for the benefit of that place. That they have later been deemed Evil clearly shows the wrong impression most everybody has of the world.
Some say that I forever poisoned Arda with evil, malice and hate, and though I seldom brag, this really is one of the things of which I am most proud. It didn’t ruin Arda as many tend to think, they just don’t know what I have planned for it.
In Utumno I kept to myself trying to keep low but somehow creatures heard of my magnificent presence and rallied to my cause knowing I was and am the real Lord of Arda. Some of my consorts urged me to act against the Valar because they were frightened of the Light they had made and the works they were doing. Always willing to sacrifice my own ideals on the Altar of my subjects, I decided to do their will and began to work my way towards Almaren and the Valar. On my way, I tried to rectify some of the things they’d ruined, and finally when I came to the Two Lamps, I destroyed them and returned Arda to the darkness as was always meant to be.
But the fools didn’t understand I only wanted the worst of Arda and became pretty angry and wanted to imprison me, but since I felt they were overreacting I decided to return to Utumno so they wouldn’t do anything they would later regret and knowing I had put a stopper to their work.
They left me alone quite long after that and I had plenty of time to recruit fell beasts and beings to my army and build new fortresses. Slowly Middle-earth was beginning to look as it was meant to and I was maliciously glad. Then came the nasty Elves to my land and I tried to tell them the truth about the Valar of the wretched realm to save them from later suffering. It worked at first. When Oromë came most of them feared him and hid or even escaped and those who did the latter often ended in my nets where I taught them who the real lord was. True, sometimes force was needed, but the result was excellent – I had made a completely new race that could act by my orders. The Valar weren’t too happy about it though, and the rogues came and tried to stop me. I tried to convince them I was in my right to do as I pleased, but they didn’t care, and instead tore down all that I had done. To save my subjects from death I decided to sacrifice myself, and then they took me to what they call Aman and that REALLY is the worst and most disgusting and vile place ever…
They had the Elves come there too, and when at last I was allowed to walk freely again (as always the fools underestimated me), I had a chance to get to know some of them and create enmity between the kindreds and inside the kindred. I was especially lucky when it came to the Noldor, but they didn’t deserve any better – none of the Elves do because they wouldn’t pay tribute to ME… I especially disliked Fëanor, and the feeling was mutual – he always bragged to me about his ugly jewels, and actually I had helped him making them, but of course he had forgotten about that. But I decided to wipe the smug smile off his face and by doing bits of talking and acting my charming self I did some havoc that really hasn’t been heard of later on. Unfortunately the Valar weren’t too happy about it so I had to go into hiding, meeting old cherished friends in secrecy.
It was when I met with Ungoliant that my mind was struck by a really brilliant idea. We decided to not only ruin Fëanor and his Elven friends but also the Valar, and we succeeded in ruining both of the wicked Trees of Valinor, spreading unlight in Aman, stealing Fëanor’s jewels and even spreading so much animosity between the Noldor and the Valar that soon after this happened Fëanor travelled with many of his kin back to Middle-earth. This really was one of the greatest things ever done by me and I think whoever you ask will agree – I know the Valar still haven’t pardoned me but actually it is I who shouldn’t pardon them…
Well of course, afterwards I hurried back to Middle-earth because I knew my minions would be joyous to see me, and when there we started preparing for the arrival of the Noldor. Sure at first I had some problems with Ungoliant who had now become an overlarge spider, but in the end she learned who was the master, and I could sit safely and patiently on my throne seeing my world restored.
Even after Fëanor came my job was pretty easy, there was always enmity between the wretched Elves, and with my evil minions ever at work there really wasn’t anything to do. Wars became dull and with the amount of slaughter I did, I quickly became the most feared of all beings in Middle-earth. My Evil went through the veins of Arda as I had intended and many of the fancy pansy Elves were killed. It was Chaos, a fantastic Chaos where I could control everything. Back then my powers were at their height and most likely they would have continued to be so if it hadn’t been for the Valar’s interference later on… For a long time I was able to do as I pleased. Fëanor was quickly unmade and later came all the other foolish Noldorin princes who thought they’d be able to ruin me.
They were all envious of my Silmaril-crown and my might and grandeur.
Only one succeeded though and got one of my Silmarili but it wasn’t my fault at all. The only thing I really need to be embarrassed about is that I lost it to a Human. Beren, argh the mere thought of that stupid little upstart who thinks he has the right to steal from me. He died afterwards of course, but not as I wanted him to die, and it is a thing that shouldn’t have happened ever. I punished my minions much after that but then I realised it really wasn’t that important. I should be focusing on my kingdom, not on a wretch like that. So I continued ruining the lives of people – to their benefit of course, even though they didn’t always see it themselves. I created Dragons and other deceitful things to fill the air with horror and terror as it should be. No other being has managed to do as much evil as I. And then, they say I’m not the Dark Lord! Then they forget about me and praise my lieutenant in my stead. They will all suffer the consequences and die when I come back, yes, they will regret all what they have said and done.
As far as I know, Sauron only managed to ruin Mordor completely – I had all of Arda as my playground and to ruin. I fought against the Valar for the ill-being of my people. Clearly standards have fallen, it would never have happened in my time that mere humans would have high positions in my staff, be they wraiths or not. To think I ever let Sauron become one of my closest aides. I have been far too generous I know…
It is only fair that you should wonder how the great and magnificent me should end here – alone in the Void with other fell beings (who I may say are already subjects to my will). I can only say it wasn’t from the might of the Elves or anything; had I only had them to fight against, things would never have happened the way they did. But the Valar started to interfere, they sent hordes and hordes of Vanyar to fight me, led by some of the Maiar. You might say it’s nothing, but they took me by surprise, and all my many battles and wars had left me with a need to relax and recover, so it really was quite a bad moment
Well, things turned nasty, and despite all my efforts they found me a threat to Arda and decided to shut me out into the Void. Don’t know what was it that hit them, seeing as all I had done was restoring the Evil balance in Arda which had been intended from the very beginning. But alas, life is cruel, perhaps even more cruel than I, and I’m stuck here with nothing to do but to answer fan mail from boring people who have no clue what Evil is really about. I am forgotten in Arda and sometimes even the creatures that I have corrupted here don’t realise my might and worth. It is depressing really but it is all soon about to change.
Don’t think that I, the mighty Melkor, creator of Evil, will settle with this. My last days have not come, and where others have failed I shall conquer. The time between shall be forgotten when I rise from my Darkness more evil and malicious and gruesome than ever before. I will be the nightmare that haunts you at night, I will be what keep you from sleeping. My wrath shall be greater than anything ever seen before all this, and more, I shall be so that you may see who the real Dark Lord is. The Melkor that is, was, and will be scorns Ilúvatar and all his pretentious followers. I, I am the only one evil e…..
[Editor’s note: Here Morgoth appears to turn completely from a rationalistic path and his following account has been impossible to publish.]
by Eressëa
Artwork credits: Picture 1 by Guy Gondron, Picture 2 by Felix Sotomayor
