It has been asked through the ages, “why did the chicken cross the road?” While many have attempted to sufficiently answer this question, the chicken’s intentions still remain in the wind. To understand why the chicken crossed the road, we will attempt to find out why the chicken chose a road to cross and where this activity originated from.
After traveling back in a time machine to the first known time when chickens interacted with people of the Earth, we discovered the chicken who prompted this question.
“Walking across a field was begging to be captured by some hobbit,” commented the chicken. “The only reason we started crossing roads was because it looked less like we were trying to escape.”
Doing some guessing, it turns out that chickens received constant harassment for being out of their owner’s reach. When chickens started crossing roads, it caused some hobbits to questions why chickens were participating in this unusual form of recreation.
“Most hobbits didn’t care. Everyone just assumed that we were just wandering.”
Now all this sounds reasonable, but how does a chicken from Middle-earth end up on our planet? According to this chicken all it took was a Wizard, a Ringwraith, some Orcs and a small mistake.
After the chicken’s family had attempted to flee a Ringwraith, abandoning the usual road crossing recreation, they were bagged by the Ringwraith as he continued his pursuit for a certain Baggins.
“That’s always been a fear of mine on this planet,” the chicken said, who was just a chick at the time with three older siblings and his parents. “Being bagged all of the sudden, that is.” Normally, being bagged was accepted as a part of life as a full grown chicken, but there are the rare cases where it has been shown that young chicks that get bagged often suffer from extensive trauma related to the nature of the bagging.
Many months passed before he popped his head out of the bag for the first time. He recalled, “I remember seeing a whole bunch of monsters in a dark corner of the world.” A dark corner of the world he learned to be Isengard, being held by monstrous Orcs.
“The most frightening thing happened when we met Saruman,” the chicken said. The family was enchanted by the wizard giving them the ability to speak. When the wizard attempted to turn the chickens into Orcs, the chicken said the wizard misspoke and instead sent them to a still young planet Earth, where they proceeded to engage in their road crossing pastime, hoping that they’d run into some other chickens that they could commune with.
During this time people started asking who these new creatures were, let alone why they were crossing a road. When the chickens tried to explain in an understandable language, all that came out was an unexpected “cluck.” This caused much displeasure to everyone involved.
Most ancients tried to excuse their existence and their activities as some strange sign from the gods. The chickens tried to understand who these gods were that the ancients were referring to, but every attempt resulted in deeper confusion than previously. This caused even more displeasure to the chickens.
And so the mystery of the chicken’s cluck and its true meaning has long been pondered by scientists, philosophers, and other great thinkers alike. When Galileo tried his hand at breaking the meaning behind each chicken’s “cluck”, he was thrown into a mad fit of rage that indirectly resulted in him being arrested, questioned, and confined to solitary arrest in his own house for the rest of his days. It was this that caused everyone to back away from cracking the “Cluck” language, until the past 20 years.
Many scientists, engineers and translators have continually been working together, trying to crack the “cluck” language used by modern chickens. Most of these attempts have resulted in psychological therapy for the three parties, as well as frequent trips to mental hospitals.
Even after much needed therapy, and multiple medications to try and erase any signs of abnormality, many continued in trying to understand the “Cluck” language used by chickens. Some engineers and translators who have spent hundreds of years trying and getting locked up in insane asylums one day had a revelation that broke the code of the language.
Many people had already given up on these people, deeming them insane to the point that they had totally cracked. But they were so insistent that they had cracked the language that they began to declare that they, in fact, knew why the chickens were engaging in their road-crossing activities.
Some who heard this were elated, although they were those who were already cracked, and started speaking to chickens in their language. Most, however, ignored them and denied that there would ever be such an explanation for the chicken’s road crossing activities, and joined in as well.
The next time you run across someone who is considered to be cracked … he might understand the reason behind the chicken’s road–crossing activities.
by longbe4thesun
